Tag: Vertical Christianity

Vertical Christianity: Valuing Marriage


Ep. 4: “How To Develop A Vertical Life Plan” – Part 4 – “Valuing Marriage”


May 10, 2025 – Dr. David P. Craig, Founder, Vertical Living Ministries 


Review: In our developing a written Vertical Life Plan we have already looked at the first three steps: (1) Writing out your life Calling, Mission, or Vision statement. (2) Writing out key verses and quotes to remind you of why this vision statement is biblical and aligned with God’s purpose for your life. And (3A) we learned the importance of valuing what Jesus values from His life and teachings in the Gospels. Now we look at our next most important value in life if we are married. 


VALUE 2: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE


KEY VERSES:


Ephesians 5:22-33,  Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (LSB)


VALUE EXPRESSED:


I married Dana on April 4, 1992. On that day I vowed to love, cherish, honor, provide, protect, and be her spiritual leader as her covenant partner for life. No matter what life throws our way – sickness, trials, financial setbacks, conflicts, and all manner of suffering – we are committed to being covenant allies until death do us part. We made this covenant before God and over 500 witnesses. I am committed to living out these vows to the fullest. It is my desire to have a great marriage and one that is exemplary for my family, church and community. I believe that one of the greatest gifts I can give my five children and eleven grandchildren is to love their mother (“Grammie”) as Christ loves His bride—the Church. This love is unconditional, sacrificial, and never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). I am wholeheartedly committed to show Dana by my words and actions that next to God she is the one person I love and value or treasure the most.


Quotes That Affirm How I Need to Value My Wife

  • “According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect His saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and maturation of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union…The purpose of your marriage is to reenact the gospel.” – Tim Keller

  • “What we believe about God determines the quality of our marriage.” – Dave Harvey

  • “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.” (Ruth and Billy Graham were married 63 years before she went home to be with the Lord first) – Ruth Graham Bell

  • “Love is not maximum emotion. Love is maximum commitment.” – Sinclair Ferguson

  • “Marriage is a call to die [to self]… Christian marriage vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you are. Is this a grim gallows call? Not at all! It is no more grim than dying to self and following Christ. In fact, those who lovingly die for their [spouses] are those who know the most joy, have the most fulfilling marriages, and experience the most love.” – R. Kent Hughes

  • “In marriage, the goal is holiness, not happiness. Happiness comes as a result of holiness.” – Erwin Lutzer

  • “Three Guidelines for Christian Marriage: (1) First of all, and foundational to a biblical understanding of marriage, is the truth that marriage is a permanent relationship. In Mark 10:6-8, Jesus said, ‘But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” And then in verse nine we read, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’” (2) A second biblical guideline is that marriage is a harmonious partnership. The Bible speaks of the union of the husband and wife as harmonious. Jesus said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:7-9). ..I have never known of a broken marriage where the husband and wife had enjoyed a true partnership that had been harmonious and mutually sacrificial. But God established marriage to be just that, and His Word gives guidelines about how to keep harmony in the home…But there is a truth that is even greater than the truths that marriage is a permanent relationship and a harmonious partnership. (3) And that is the biblical teaching that marriage is a spiritual companionship. Christian marriage should be a companionship where each helps the other grow in Christ. The Bible tells us that in the marriage relationship, the husband and wife become one. It is my conviction that that speaks not only of physical union, but of a spiritual union as well.”  ~ George Sweeting

  • VALUING MARRIAGE PUT INTO ACTION:


    1. Daily Connections – Whether when we were first married and already had three kids at home; when we had five kids in the home, or even now as empty nesters we have always had a time or times throughout the day to connect together as husband and wife. This can involve playing a game of backgammon, sitting down face to face, praying together, sharing a meal together, reading scripture and discussing it, or going on a walk. It is a time to just commune together, laugh together, enjoy one another’s company and continue to learn from one another, about each other, and go deeper in our relationship.

    1. Weekly Taking Care of Business Date. Dana and I started doing this pretty early in our marriage because we had so much going on with kids school events and activities: sports, dance, plays, church activities, and work. With so many responsibilities we wanted to make sure we didn’t “double-book” ourselves – and strive for balance in the way we spent our time, and developed meaningful relationships with the Lord, one another, family, and loving others as Christ loves us.

    2. Weekly Fun Date. We live in a beautiful area Marin County – north of San Francisco that has a plethora of things to do, places to go, and amazing scenery and great places to eat. Two places we frequent regularly are Healdsburg and Sonoma – both a half an hour away. We look forward to just spending time together without all the responsibilities and distractions of our busy lives. We feel like these dates are rejuvenating mini-vacations that we cherish each week. It gives us something to look forward to and revives and rekindles our relationship. We have made these fun dates a priority from when we had little children and now into the stage of life where we can spend more time together. It has always been a highlight for us – and has contributed largely to what we would both describe as a key to having a great marriage.

    3. Yearly Renewal – Once or twice a year we plan a getaway to just rekindle our romance and grow in our relationship with Jesus and one another. We have been on various marriage retreats – like the Family Life conference “A Weekend to Remember.” We have been to numerous conferences. However, we have most enjoyed traveling to destinations and exploring together – just the two of us. We have been to New Zealand, Argentina, England, France, and explored cities all over the USA like Boston, Seattle, San Diego, San Antonio, and many other beautiful places in various parts of the country – and especially close to home in California. These times are like mini9-honeymoons that rekindle and rejuvenate our relationship because we have no other responsibilities or commitments to attend to, but can just enjoy one another fully.

    4. Marriage Reading – It’s really amazing that so few people prepare for marriage, and many do not continue to grow in the subject of marriage after marriage. A doctor will spend about a dozen years of schooling and interning to become a Doctor; Engineers, Lawyers, and many other students will spend years of education for their professions. Dana and I have always lived by the motto, “If you’re going to be married why not make it a great marriage.” This means that we are committed to learning and growing in our relationship and are constantly reading and listening to teaching on marriage. To truly value your marriage it means being a wife long student of the subject of marriage as well as of one another. Some of our favorite books on marriage that have helped us are Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs, His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last by Willard Harley, and The Intimate Marriage: A Practical Guide to Building a Great Marriage by R.C. Sproul. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.


    Episode One: “Living Vertically in a Horizontal Culture”

    Check Out New YouTube Channel: Vertical Living Ministries

    Episode One: “Living Vertically in a Horizontal Culture”

    April 21, 2025 – Dr. David P. Craig, Founder, Vertical Living Ministries 

    This week (God-willing) I will be launching the first of (hopefully) many videos on helping followers of Jesus live a more intentional life of discipleship. I hope that you will check out the brand new YouTube Channel: Vertical Living Ministries. I also hope that you are encouraged by the video and will do three things: hit the like button, subscribe to the channel so you will not miss any upcoming videos, and share it with someone who can benefit from the content.

    I want to address the importance of what it means to live vertically in a horizontal culture. Vertical meaning Christ-centered and living for the glory of God and not horizontally centered which means man-centered and living according to the worlds values that conflict with God’s Word!

    First, a little about me. I was born in Long Beach, CA in 1965 and lived my formative years (ages 6-27) in Huntington Beach, in Southern California. My parents came to California from Argentina in the mid 1950’s. My parents had a huge impact on me as a child, teenager, and the greater part of my life as an adult as well. I have been very happily married for 33 years to my best friend and partner in ministry and have five adult children and 11 grand children. I am the lead pastor at Marin Bible Church in San Rafael in the heart of Marin County – just 20 miles north of San Francisco and the founder of Vertical Living Ministries. In both of these ministries my greatest passion is to intentionally make and multiply disciples of Jesus in Marin County and beyond for the glory of God.

    It’s because of the teaching and modeling of my parents that I am a follower or disciple of the Lord Jesus Christ. At the early age of six I learned that I needed to repent of my sin and trust in Jesus in order to be reconciled to a Holy God. My parents modeled following Jesus with joy and lived life to the fullest. They manifested all of the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5:22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. They exemplified these characteristics of the Holy Spirit for the 68 years they were married before my dad and mom departed this life to their eternal home to be with Jesus just a few years ago.

    I have no recollection in my life of a before and after experience with Jesus. He has always been a huge part of my life. I grew up learning about Jesus daily from the Bible, being part of a vibrant Bible teaching church, and my parents modeling loving and serving Jesus in our home and church along with my two older brothers and sister.

    However, I was a pretty typical teenager in that I was selfish and idolatrous – but I was unaware of this until the spring of my junior year of High School. Even though I loved Jesus, His Word, and sharing with others about Him; my highest priority was sports: Football, baseball, basketball, and soccer were really my greatest passion (depending on what season it was) and I played all these sports with great passion – and followed the local Los Angeles sports teams as a diehard fan – the Lakers, Dodgers, Rams, and Aztecs with equal devotion. I definitely spent more time reading the L.A. Times Sports page than I spent in the Bible – knowing much more about standings and statistics than Bible verses.

    Like many young men…I had the aspiration of becoming a professional baseball player. This ambition was about to radically change. In hindsight – what appeared to be a tragic day in the spring of my junior year of HS turned out to be the day that God really called me from living in darkness to living in the light. From living for the trivial and temporal, to living for that which will last forever – what the Bible calls making disciples – the great commission in Matthew 28.

    I don’t remember the time or exact date – but the event that would change the trajectory of my life transpired after the first day of baseball practice in the spring of 1983. My best friend and teammate – Corey Stejskal and I were driving to a Christian Bookstore in Fountain Valley. I was getting a book for a research paper I was writing for my Bible class at Liberty Christian HS in Huntington Beach. Corey picked me up at my house and about two miles from my house at the intersection of Heil and Bolsa Chica a drunk driver cut us off (we found out later that he was arrested for causing the accident while driving under the influence and fleeing the scene). 

    In that accident I experienced what I’ve heard many people express – my life flashed before me in the twinkling of an eye. We were in a jeep and the last thing I knew – my friend turned to the right dodge the driver that was about to slam into us and when we turned away from that car we were about to hit a telephone pole off the side of the road…and that’s the last thing I remember.

    The next memory I had was riding in an ambulance on the way to a hospital. When I came to, the Paramedic started asking me questions. I remember the only thing I could see was a puddle of blood on the pillow upon which my head was resting. I was in tremendous pain but I was impressed by the concern and compassion of the Paramedic. He asked me the usual: name, birthday, address, how many fingers he was holding up, and so forth. But what I remember, like it was yesterday, were three things he said.

    First of all he asked me if I was a Christian. I immediately said “yes”…and then I said, “Why do you ask?” And he answered, “because I think God intervened on your behalf either directly or He sent an angel to save you.” He then went on to say, “When you get out of the hospital I want you to go see the jeep. I thought for certain that when we arrived at the crash site and saw the jeep – and even told my partner – I hope there were no passengers in that jeep – because if there is – we will have to pull out some dead bodies. He then went on to tell me that with the exception of the the drivers side of the jeep the rest of it was a third of its size due to the impact of it hitting the telephone pole. The passenger side had only half an inch between the glove box and the back of the seat where I was sitting. It was an old early 1970’s model jeep with no seat belts. Had the seat belt law been in effect in 1983 I would have been almost certainly been crushed by the impact and dead.

    The next thing he said also stands out in my memory. He said, “God must have some great plans for you … because He obviously and miraculously saved your life!” And he continued, “Don’t waste your life kid. God wants to use you big time…I’m going to pray that He uses your recovery time to make your calling in life to follow and serve jesus as your number one priority.”

    While recovering in the hospital (which seemed like forever) I had nothing to do but think. Think about how much time I had wasted in my life; think about how selfish I had been; thinking about how my life was full of idols – things and priorities, I put before God. I also had a recurring nightmare as I tried to sleep with a non-stop continual migraine headache. In the dream I would see (like deja vu) people that had been in my life – neighbors, teammates from my sports teams, and acquaintances that I didn’t really know well, but recognized. In the dream each of these people were in darkness and engulfed in flames and I could see their faces and hear their voices and they all said the same thing to me: “Why didn’t you tell me about Jesus?”

    This recurring dream coupled with the time I had wasted absolutely haunted me. I kept rehearsing the words of the paramedic in my mind, and kept thinking to myself: “What if I had died… I know I would be in heaven…but what a shame to have stored up so little treasure there…and left all these useless weeds in my life behind on earth.” For the first time in my life I really felt convicted over my sin and how I had wasted my life and knew that I had not been living for the glory of God. 

    I grieved and wept over my sin. Its not like I was doing really bad things, sports aren’t bad in and of themselves. But I came to the belief and conviction that I had mixed up priorities. My priorities selfishly were man-centered and not God-centered – I clearly could see that I was an ego-maniac. I lived for my own glory and not for the glory of Christ. For the first time in my life I was compelled to turn away from the idols in my life that I had been prioritizing over treasuring Jesus and what He deems most important.

    The summer between my junior and senior year of High School. God was doing a major overhaul in my thinking and transforming my soul… and this began a journey that continues to this very day – some forty years later. The consuming thought of my life has been – “What does it mean to live for the glory of God?” A verse that I have meditated and thought about deeply and profoundly since the age of 17 has been 1 Corinthians 10:31 where the apostle Paul wrote, “So whether you eat, or drink, or whatever you, do all for the glory of God.”

    My senior year I lost my passion for sports – I decided not to play football, basketball, baseball, or soccer. My passion for sports was replaced by a passion to know Jesus and make Him known. Since the age of seventeen my ultimate goal in life has been to learn to live for the glory of God. As a pastor of a local church and life coach to Christian leaders around the world it’s also to help others do the same: the biblical metaphor continually on my mind is to help those I mentor and disciple to eliminate the temporal and trivial weeds and intentionally live for producing wheat by making and multiplying disciples of Jesus for the Kingdom of God which is eternal.

    Two of the parables of Jesus are worth exploring in light of this desire I have to live for God’s glory and help others do the same. They involve what I call being a V.I.P. follower or disciple of Jesus. Which I will briefly explain as I wind up this video.

    Let me read these two parables and then explain how we can apply these teachings of Jesus by learning how to become V.I.P followers of Jesus – or how we can learn to live vertically in a horizontal world:

    In Matthew 13:1-9 and verses 18-30 Jesus gives these two parables: 

    That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about Him, so that He got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. And He told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as He sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.” 

    Explanation: “Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.” 

    He put another parable before them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field, but while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat and went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared also. And the servants of the master of the house came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have weeds?’ He said to them, ‘An enemy has done this.’ So the servants said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he said, ‘No, lest in gathering the weeds you root up the wheat along with them. Let both grow together until the harvest, and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, “Gather the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’ 

    In 2003 I completed my doctoral dissertation with the title: “Living Vertically in a Horizontal Culture.” My thesis was that in order to best live for the glory of God we need to have a vision of Jesus ever before us – and the best way to do that is to spend time in the Bible; we need to intentionally have the same priorities He had – and we find His priorities by daily reading His word and finding out what He’s like and what He wants us be and do; and we need to make plans to integrate that vision by intentionally living for His glory out of obediently applying His word daily.

    In 2008 I started a nonprofit ministry helping pastors and Christian leaders learn how to become V.I.P disciples of Jesus. My ultimate goal for myself and others is that we would be men and woman who have a Vision of Jesus, Intentionally live out our calling, and make Intentional Plans and goals to live for the glory of Christ.

    I want you to know that I am not an expert in these matters. I don’t always live according to this vision of Jesus…I’m not always intentional in following Jesus, nor does my life always go according to the plans that I want to carry out. However, I do believe that intentional living makes a huge difference in this pursuit of maturing as a follower of Jesus. I am much further along having this vertical vision and I want to help you do the same!

    I personally want to eliminate the weeds in my life, and I want to help you do the same. I personally want to invest disciple making – producing wheat that multiplies. I want to be a mature and multiplying wheat producer. In John 15 Jesus says that if we abide in Him we will produce fruit. In these parables Jesus is saying the same thing – we either live for our own glory or His – we either send wheat ahead or leave weeds behind. We either live for ourselves or for the glory of Christ and making disciples who make disciples. 

    God saved you and me because of the life, death, burial and resurrection of Christ to live abundant fruit producing lives. In this video and God-willing many videos to come – my goal is to live for Jesus and help you live a Christ centered life. I want to live in intimacy with Jesus and help you do the same. I want to be a fruit producing follower of Jesus who produces spiritual fruit that feeds me and others. I want to produce a hundred fold of wheat and help you do the same. My days and your days are numbered – let’s make them count by storing up our treasures in God’s heavenly barn; rather than an earthly field that will eventually be burned.

    Let’s strive to be good soil for God to do His good work in us so we can produce wheat and fruit that will last forever by investing our time with Him and sharing with others out of the overflow of our joyful walk with Jesus. Let’s be fertile soil, with roots that go deep into God’s truth as revealed in His Word. Let’s be intentional about spending time developing a greater vision of Jesus and His glory. Let’s be intentional about doing those things that will bear fruit for the Kingdom that will last forever. In my next video I’m going to help you develop what I call a Vertical Life Plan. We are going to get more specific about developing a vision for Jesus and living for His glory by intentionally planning to invest your thinking, how you spend your time, and use your talents for Jesus and His kingdom.

    Until next time: Let me leave you with this amazing promise from Psalm 16:11, ”You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

    May God’s presence and peace in your life be foremost, His Spirit fill you to the uttermost, and may your satisfaction and security be in Jesus so that you can   reflect Him in your life so that He gets all the glory! 

    In His grip of grace,

    Dr. David P. Craig