Tag: The Intentional Christian Marriage

Ep. 4: “How To Develop A Vertical Life Plan” – Part 4 – “Valuing Marriage”

May 10, 2025 – Dr. David P. Craig, Founder, Vertical Living Ministries 

Review: In our developing a written Vertical Life Plan we have already looked at the first three steps: (1) Writing out your life Calling, Mission, or Vision statement. (2) Writing out key verses and quotes to remind you of why this vision statement is biblical and aligned with God’s purpose for your life. And (3A) we learned the importance of valuing what Jesus values from His life and teachings in the Gospels. Now we look at our next most important value in life if we are married. 

VALUE 2: MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE

KEY VERSES:

Ephesians 5:22-33,  Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (LSB)

VALUE EXPRESSED:

I married Dana on April 4, 1992. On that day I vowed to love, cherish, honor, provide, protect, and be her spiritual leader as her covenant partner for life. No matter what life throws our way – sickness, trials, financial setbacks, conflicts, and all manner of suffering – we are committed to being covenant allies until death do us part. We made this covenant before God and over 500 witnesses. I am committed to living out these vows to the fullest. It is my desire to have a great marriage and one that is exemplary for my family, church and community. I believe that one of the greatest gifts I can give my five children and eleven grandchildren is to love their mother (“Grammie”) as Christ loves His bride—the Church. This love is unconditional, sacrificial, and never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). I am wholeheartedly committed to show Dana by my words and actions that next to God she is the one person I love and value or treasure the most.

Quotes That Affirm How I Need to Value My Wife

• “According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect His saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and maturation of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union…The purpose of your marriage is to reenact the gospel.” – Tim Keller

• “What we believe about God determines the quality of our marriage.” – Dave Harvey

• “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.” (Ruth and Billy Graham were married 63 years before she went home to be with the Lord first) – Ruth Graham Bell

• “Love is not maximum emotion. Love is maximum commitment.” – Sinclair Ferguson

• “Marriage is a call to die [to self]… Christian marriage vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of death, of giving over not only all you have, but all you are. Is this a grim gallows call? Not at all! It is no more grim than dying to self and following Christ. In fact, those who lovingly die for their [spouses] are those who know the most joy, have the most fulfilling marriages, and experience the most love.” – R. Kent Hughes

• “In marriage, the goal is holiness, not happiness. Happiness comes as a result of holiness.” – Erwin Lutzer

• “Three Guidelines for Christian Marriage: (1) First of all, and foundational to a biblical understanding of marriage, is the truth that marriage is a permanent relationship. In Mark 10:6-8, Jesus said, ‘But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” And then in verse nine we read, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’” (2) A second biblical guideline is that marriage is a harmonious partnership. The Bible speaks of the union of the husband and wife as harmonious. Jesus said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:7-9). ..I have never known of a broken marriage where the husband and wife had enjoyed a true partnership that had been harmonious and mutually sacrificial. But God established marriage to be just that, and His Word gives guidelines about how to keep harmony in the home…But there is a truth that is even greater than the truths that marriage is a permanent relationship and a harmonious partnership. (3) And that is the biblical teaching that marriage is a spiritual companionship. Christian marriage should be a companionship where each helps the other grow in Christ. The Bible tells us that in the marriage relationship, the husband and wife become one. It is my conviction that that speaks not only of physical union, but of a spiritual union as well.”  ~ George Sweeting

VALUING MARRIAGE PUT INTO ACTION:

1. Daily Connections – Whether when we were first married and already had three kids at home; when we had five kids in the home, or even now as empty nesters we have always had a time or times throughout the day to connect together as husband and wife. This can involve playing a game of backgammon, sitting down face to face, praying together, sharing a meal together, reading scripture and discussing it, or going on a walk. It is a time to just commune together, laugh together, enjoy one another’s company and continue to learn from one another, about each other, and go deeper in our relationship.

2. Weekly Taking Care of Business Date. Dana and I started doing this pretty early in our marriage because we had so much going on with kids school events and activities: sports, dance, plays, church activities, and work. With so many responsibilities we wanted to make sure we didn’t “double-book” ourselves – and strive for balance in the way we spent our time, and developed meaningful relationships with the Lord, one another, family, and loving others as Christ loves us.


3. Weekly Fun Date. We live in a beautiful area Marin County – north of San Francisco that has a plethora of things to do, places to go, and amazing scenery and great places to eat. Two places we frequent regularly are Healdsburg and Sonoma – both a half an hour away. We look forward to just spending time together without all the responsibilities and distractions of our busy lives. We feel like these dates are rejuvenating mini-vacations that we cherish each week. It gives us something to look forward to and revives and rekindles our relationship. We have made these fun dates a priority from when we had little children and now into the stage of life where we can spend more time together. It has always been a highlight for us – and has contributed largely to what we would both describe as a key to having a great marriage.


4. Yearly Renewal – Once or twice a year we plan a getaway to just rekindle our romance and grow in our relationship with Jesus and one another. We have been on various marriage retreats – like the Family Life conference “A Weekend to Remember.” We have been to numerous conferences. However, we have most enjoyed traveling to destinations and exploring together – just the two of us. We have been to New Zealand, Argentina, England, France, and explored cities all over the USA like Boston, Seattle, San Diego, San Antonio, and many other beautiful places in various parts of the country – and especially close to home in California. These times are like mini9-honeymoons that rekindle and rejuvenate our relationship because we have no other responsibilities or commitments to attend to, but can just enjoy one another fully.


5. Marriage Reading – It’s really amazing that so few people prepare for marriage, and many do not continue to grow in the subject of marriage after marriage. A doctor will spend about a dozen years of schooling and interning to become a Doctor; Engineers, Lawyers, and many other students will spend years of education for their professions. Dana and I have always lived by the motto, “If you’re going to be married why not make it a great marriage.” This means that we are committed to learning and growing in our relationship and are constantly reading and listening to teaching on marriage. To truly value your marriage it means being a wife long student of the subject of marriage as well as of one another. Some of our favorite books on marriage that have helped us are Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs, His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last by Willard Harley, and The Intimate Marriage: A Practical Guide to Building a Great Marriage by R.C. Sproul. The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller.