FRIDAY HUMOR: A HORSE WITH NO NAME

Series: Friday Humor #29

MAN RIDING HORSE IN THE SUNSET

Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God.

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”

Jim was having the time of his life this horse sure could run he thought to himself. Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”

SOURCE: Funny Stories http://www.greatcleanjokes.com/jokes/other-joke-types/funny-stories/#ixzz2hNClfsPk

FRIDAY HUMOR: BULLETIN BLOOPERS

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #28

COTW bulletin

ACTUAL ANNOUNCEMENTS TAKEN FROM CHURCH BULLETINS

Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.

Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication will follow.

Remember in payer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Allen Betzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Betzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting at the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

The service will close with “Little drops of water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will come forward and do so.

A been supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Friday Humor: Stephen W. Brown on Christians and Laughter

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR # 27 – A MEDITATION ON LAUGHTER

Brown Steve image

I’m often criticized for allowing (or causing) too much laughter in my ministry. I can understand that. In fact, I pray about it a lot. After all, God is holy and sometimes I wonder if laughter is appropriate before holiness. I believe, and have often said, that if you have never stood before God and been afraid, you probably never stood before God.

Have you read in Isaiah 6 where the prophet encountered God in the temple? That chapter opens with these words: “In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted” (verse 1). Then the angels shout “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory” (verse 3).

Isaiah was doing just fine up to that point. In fact, at the time, he was involved in church work, doing what people do in church (probably picking up the bulletins from the first service), when the real God of the universe came into the temple. It shattered every preconceived idea Isaiah ever had about God. His response was what yours or mine would have been. He cried out, “Woe to me!…I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty” (verse 5).

If Isaiah had laughed it would have been highly inappropriate. When people complain about laughter, I understand their complaint. God, after all, is God, and His awesomeness and power ought to solicit something other than the superficial laughter of His people. And then I start laughing. I don’t mean to. It just comes out. I start thinking about Him and that He has done, and sometimes I can’t stifle the chuckles. I’ve apologized a hundred times. I’ve tried–God knows I’ve tried–to be more serious and clergy-like, but I just can’t do it. Maybe it’s just the natural, nervous laughter that happens when one is frightened. Maybe things are funnier in a serious setting like church or a religious radio broadcast. It could be that the pressure is finally getting to me and my laughter is preceding the words, “They’re coming to take me away.”

But I don’t think so. In fact, I think there’s much more laughter in this thing called Christianity than I ever thought. Whether or not you hear the laughter would not have been appropriate, the message Isaiah was given was not for joking either. He received a message of judgment. He was charged to call the people to repentance.

But after the sorrow and the repentance, a veritable flood of laughter rushes out: “and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (35:10). And then, almost as if we didn’t get the message the first time, he says it again several chapters later: “The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (51:11). When the people of God have been redeemed, God commands them, “Burst into songs of joy together, you ruins of Jerusalem, for the LORD has comforted his people, he has redeemed Jerusalem” (52:9).

In that wonderful passage where Isaiah proclaims the work of Messiah (as well as his own) and from which Jesus quoted in reference to Himself, there is a great statement about the proclamation that comes from the throne of grace: “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion–to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:1-3)

We get a lot of people who write to us at Key Life [Steve’s radio ministry], telling us that we make them laugh. Sometimes people write to tell me a funny story. Some have said that in their world, our broadcast is the one place where they smile. One listener said, “Steve, don’t ever get too serious. We need to laugh. I love what you teach, but I also love the fun you have doing it. It makes the teaching and living better.” Then I started feeling guilty again. I prayed, “Father, you didn’t call me to be a comedian. You called me to be a Bible teacher. Forgive me I’m not taking You seriously. Forgive me if I have made something light out of…” That was when my prayer was interrupted. I thought I heard laughter. I checked. Do you know what? I did. It was the laughter of God.

So, I have discovered that one of my ministries is laughter. Not the laughter of derision or cynicism, or the laughter that follows a dirty story, but the free, uninhibited laughter of the redeemed. That kind of laughter starts at the throne.

That may not sound like much to you. I didn’t think so either until a woman wrote to tell me how she had lost her husband. She described her loneliness and how she felt there was no reason to live on. Then she said, “But when I heard you laugh, I laughed too. I just wanted you to know that it helped a lot.”

Heaven knows we have enough sour Christians. There isn’t much about the world to inspire laughter. The hurt and pain we experience don’t leave much room for humor; there’s probably more reason for tears than laughter in most lives. So maybe there’s a place for a ministry that doesn’t take itself too seriously, that lightens up the landscape a bit. Perhaps that doesn’t sound so very important, but I think it really is. God has given His people laughter and that laughter has great healing power.

I recently heard about a man the went to the doctor for his annual physical. The doctor came to him with all the reports and test results and told him, “Mr. Jones, your health is very good. There is no reason why you can’t live a completely normal life as long as you don’t try to enjoy it.”

Don’t we sometimes communicate the same message to people? We say in effect, “Now that you have been forgiven of all your sins and you’re sure of Heaven, and now that you have meaning in your life and have found great power in prayer, you ought to be able to live a normal Christian life–as long as you don’t try to enjoy it.” Of course, biblical truth is important. Reaching out to those with significant needs is important too. We also need to have an uncompromising, clear, and forceful presentation of truth. But all that doesn’t exclude laughter–it includes it, transforms it, sanctifies it, even glorifies it.

So let’s throw back our heads and laugh. God’s infinite riches are ours in Christ. What other reason could we ever need to laugh?

TIME TO DRAW AWAY

Read Exodus 15:1-21 and 2 Samuel 6.

For meditation: Take out some paper and put at the top of it “Reasons to Laugh.” Then begin writing under that heading what you have from God’s hand that’s cause for joy. Keep in mind that all good things come from God, so if you count your spouse, a friend, your home, or whatever or whoever else as a source of joy, understand that God is its ultimate source. It won’t take long before you discover how much you have to laugh about.

JHHGOS S Brown image

About Steve Brown:

Dr. Steve Brown is one of the most sought after preachers and conference speakers in the country. Having had extensive radio experience before entering the ministry, he is now heard weekdays on the national radio program, Key Life, and one minute feature, “Think Spots”. Steve also hosts a weekly radio talk show, “Steve Brown, Etc.”. He served as the senior pastor of Key Biscayne Presbyterian Church for 17 years before joining the Reformed Theological Seminary (RTS) faculty as Professor of Preaching. After teaching full time for almost two decades at RTS, Dr. Brown retired and is Emeritus Professor of Preaching but remains an Adjunct Professor of Preaching teaching occasional classes each year.

Dr. Brown is the author of many (16 and counting) books and also serves on the Board of the National Religious Broadcasters and Harvest USA (He earned his B.A. from High Point College; an S.T.B. from Boston University School of Theology; and an Litt.D. from King College). Steve is one of my favorite writers and speakers because he is authentic, a great story-teller, is a theologian in disguise, and really knows how to address the realities of how sinful humans can experience the amazing grace of God. The article above was adapted from pages 202-205 in his excellent book on surviving and thriving in a tough world: Jumping Hurdles, Hitting Glitches, and Overcoming Setbacks. Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1992.

Steve Brown Has Authored These Outstanding Grace-Filled Books:

Three Free Sins: God’s Not Mad at You. New York: Simon and Schuster/ Howard Books, 2012.

A Scandalous Freedom. New York: Simon and Schuster/ Howard Books, 2009.

What Was I Thinking? Things I’ve learned Since I Knew It All. New York: Simon and Schuster/ Howard Books, 2006.

Follow the Wind: Our Lord, the Holy Spirit. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1999.

Approaching God: How to Pray. New York: Howard, 1996.

Living Free: How to Live a Life of Radical Freedom and Infectious Joy. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1994.

Born Free: How to Find Radical Freedom and Infectious Joy in an Authentic Faith. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1993.

How To Talk So People Will Listen. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1993.

If Jesus Has Come: Thoughts on the Incarnation for Skeptics, Christians and Skeptical Christians by a Former Skeptic. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1992.

Jumping Hurdles, Hitting Glitches, Overcoming Setbacks. Colorado Springs: NavPress, 1992.

No More Mr. Nice Guy! Saying Goodbye to “Doormat” Christianity. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1991.

When Being Good Isn’t Good Enough. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1990.

Welcome to the Family: A Handbook for Living the Christian Life. Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell, 1990.

When Your Rope Breaks: Christ-centered advice on how to go on living—when making it through another day is the hardest thing in the world. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1988.

Heirs with the Prince. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1985.

If God is in Charge: Thoughts On The Nature of God For Skeptics, Christians, and Skeptical Christians.Grand Rapids: Baker 1983.

Friday Humor: THE BIBLE QUIZ

Whispering image

Series: Friday Humor #26

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?

A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?

A. German Shepherds

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharoah’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A-1. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury

A-2. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.

A-3. Also, probably a Honda, because all the apostles were in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?

A. Samson. He brought the whole house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?

A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was extremely wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?

A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?

A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark?

A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

Friday Humor: A Poll Regrading The Meaning of “Habakkuk”

FRIDAY HUMOR: #25

Habakkuk Live By Faith

I got some funny answers when I took a poll regarding the Book of Habakkuk. Some of the answers were:

  • a word spelled backwards,

  • a Jewish holiday,

  • a village in Vietnam,

  • a new game,

  • a disease of the lower back.

– Chuck Swindoll, The Tale of the Tardy Oxcart.

Friday Humor: Pastor on Salary by FAITH

GIIAH Wiersbe image

Series: Friday Humor # 24

I heard about a pastor who candidated at a church and was called, provided that he lived by faith. He asked the six men on the committee what they meant by living by faith. What it meant was that he would have no stated salary but that he would simply trust God for his needs. The candidate made a suggestion that cost him the church: “Each of you men has a salary, so why don’t we put all of our salaries together, divide the total by seven and all of us can live by faith.” (God Isn’t In a Hurry, by Warren Wiersbe, p. 23)

Friday Humor: Men Be Careful When Dealing With Your Wife’s Age!

Series: Friday Humor # 23

Mud Pack Picture

Craig’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products, she asked, “Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?”

Looking over her carefully, Craig replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty one; your hair, twenty three; and your figure, twenty five.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Craig interrupted.

“I haven’t added them up yet.”

Friday Humor: A History Lesson on High Finance

Series: Friday Humor #22

Fishing on a lake

Brief History:

The questions:

Over a generation ago, in 1923, who was:

1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their day.
Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what
ultimatelybecame of them…?

The answers:
1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement, Shot himself……

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide.

However, in that same year, 1923, the IGFA Champion and the winner of the most important Fishing Tournament was Eredio Munoz, Sr.

What became of him?

He continued fishing and eating his catch until he was 99, died at the age of 100.
He was alert and financially secure at the time of his death.

The moral of this history lesson:
Forget work……..!
GO FISHING………… !
You’ll live longer and be better off in the end!

Friday Humor: Pastors – Call Before You Visit Your Flock!

Series: Friday Humor #21

Door Image

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back and stuck it on the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that the card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.”

Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

Friday Humor: Jack Benny’s Visit to the White House

Series: Friday Humor #20

Jack Benny playing the violin

Jack Benny (born Benjamin Kubelsky; February 14, 1894 – December 26, 1974) was an American comedian, vaudevillian, radio, television, and film actor, and a notable violinist. Recognized as a leading American entertainer of the 20th century, Benny portrayed character roles as a miser, and playing the violin badly. In character, he would be 39 years of age, regardless of his actual age at the time.

Jack Benny was invited to visit the White House. A guard stopped him and asked what he had in the violin case he was carrying. “A machine gun,” said Benny solemnly. With the same solemnity, the guard said, “Oh, okay enter. I was afraid for a moment that it was your violin.”