SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #38
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”
SOURCE: Carlos Sales
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #37
On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #36
Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night’s sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
“Boss,” he said, “The pill my doctor subscribed me actually worked!”
“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”
*SOURCE: Carlos Sales
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #35
The new pastor of a rural church in eastern Kentucky dropped into a Sunday school class and began quizzing the students to test the effectiveness of the teacher. “Who knocked down the walls of Jericho?” he demanded of one boy.
“It sure weren’t me, Reverend,” the boy said.
Turning to the embarrassed teacher, the pastor said, “I suppose that’s a sample of the kind of discipline you maintain!”
“Now, Reverend. Timmy’s a good boy and don’t tell lies. If he said he didn’t do it, I believe him.”
Thoroughly upset the pastor took the matter to the board of deacons. After due consideration the board sent the following message to the nonplussed minister:
“We see no point in making an issue of this incident. The board will pay for the damage to the wall and charge it off to vandalism.”
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #34
Sometimes we wish we could change God. We are like the man who was climbing up a steep mountain on his way to the summit when he began to slip. Unable to stop himself, he slid back down the treacherous incline toward a cliff that plunged a thousand feet to the canyon floor. He was sure he would be killed. But just as he was about to go over the edge he threw his hands out and managed to catch a small branch. There he hung. He had saved himself. But he could not get back onto the incline, and he knew it was just a matter of time until his grip loosened and he fell. He was not a very religious man. But this was obviously the time to become one, if ever. So he looked up to heaven and called out, “Is there anyone up there who can help me?”
He did not expect an answer. So he was greatly surprised when a deep voice came back, saying, “Yes, I am here, and I can help you. But first you are going to have to let go of that branch.”
A long pause! Then the man looked up and called out again, “Is there anybody else up there who can help me?”
*SOURCE: James Montgomery Boice. Expositions in Genesis. Baker: Grand Rapids, 2005. Volume 1. Chapter 3.
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #33
Billy Martin was a controversial New York Yankee manager. In his office was this sign:
Rule 1. The boss is always right.
Rule 2. If the boss is wrong, see Rule 1″
*SOURCE: The Speaker’s Quote Book: Over 4,500 Illustrations and Quotations for All Occasions (Kindle Locations 769-770). Kindle Edition.
SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #32
A preacher in the South preached constantly on water baptism. The people were tired of it. The deacons suggested he preach on something else. He said, “Okay, give the text and I’ll preach on it. ” They gave him Genesis 1:1. The next Sunday he said, “By request the text today is Genesis 1:1.” He read it and then said, “When the Lord created the earth, He made it one-fourth land and three-fourths water, and that brings me back to the subject of water baptism.”
Source: The Speaker’s Quote Book: Over 4,500 Illustrations and Quotations for All Occasions (Kindle Locations 371-374). Kindle Edition.
Friday Humor: #31
A man went to see his doctor for a checkup. He went back the next day to get the results from the tests.
“Doc, how do I look?”
The doctor said, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”
The man said, “Let me hear the good news first.”
The doctor said, “Well, the good news is you have twenty-four hours to live.”
“Good grief! That’s the good news?” the man gasped. “I’ve got twenty-four hours to live? Then what’s the bad news?”
The doctor replied, “The bad news is I was supposed to tell you yesterday.”
Series: Friday Humor #30
Maxie Dunham tells the story of an elderly man who began spending a significant amount of time with an elderly woman. Neither had ever been married and each had lived alone for many years. Gradually the old gentleman recognized a real attachment to her but was shy and afraid to reveal his feelings to her. After many days of anxiety and fear, he finally mustered up the courage to declare his intentions. He went over to her home and in a nervous frenzy blurted out, “Let’s get married!!!”
Surprised, she threw up her hands and shouted, “It’s a wonderful idea, but who in this world would have us?”
*SOURCE: 1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking. Compiled by Michael Hodgin. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.