Series: Friday Humor #15
Jeff’s blind date with Suzanne was bad from the start— in short, they loathed each other. Fortunately, Jeff had asked his friend to call him so he’d have an excuse to leave if the date wasn’t going well. When his friend called, Jeff pretended to be in shock. “I have to leave,” Jeff said to Suzanne. “My aunt just died.” “Thank God,” Suzanne replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would’ve had to.”
— FROM LAUGH OFF BY BOB FENSTER (ANDREWS MCMEEL)
Starting Salary: Friday Humor #14
“What starting salary are you looking for?” the head of human resources asks the newly graduated engineer at the end of a job interview.
Going for it, the guy says, “Well, sir, I was thinking about $125,000, depending on the benefits package.”
“Okay,” the HR director says. “How about five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, 100% company match for your 401(k) and a Porsche for your company car?”
The engineer gasps and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” “Yeah,” he replies. “But you started it.”
*Adapted from Editors of Reader’s Digest (2011-01-06). Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine: America’s Funniest Jokes, Stories, and Cartoons (p.16). Reader’s Digest. Kindle Edition.
Series: Friday Humor #13
A man walked up to Pastor Ray Stedman and said, “you know pastor I have come to the amazing realization that in all my life I have never sinned.” Ray responded “wow you must be very proud of that huh?” The man beamed “yes I am.” Ray looked him over and said “Welcome to your first sin.”
This story reminds us of the teaching about pride in Proverbs 16:8, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”
Series: Friday Humor #12
The average insurance agent’s workday can be pretty mundane–except when he gets to read claim forms like these from actual auto accidents.
Friday Humor #11: The Preacher’s Bird
A pastor had a bird and all the bird ever said was “Let us pray.” One Sunday morning a visitor arrived at the church who was just converted. This visitor had a bird all the bird said was “Let us kiss.” Well the pastor decided that it would be a good idea if the unconverted bird was placed in the cage with the pastor’s bird so that the pastor’s bird could win the lost one over. After deciding on a time they put the two birds in one cage. The pastor’s bird said, “Let us pray”; the other bird said, “Let us kiss.” The pastor’s bird looked at the pastor and said, “Thank God my prayers have finally been answered!”
And Sarah said, “God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.” – Genesis 21:6
“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”- John 15:11
The late Norman Cousins, formerly editor of Saturday Review, had so serious a disease in the 1960’s that doctors gave him only one in five hundred chances of surviving. That gaunt prediction notwithstanding, he beat the odds by rejecting hospital treatment and formulating his own plan. He took massive doses of vitamin C, watched Marx Brothers films and Candid Camera reruns, and read exhaustively from humor books. He found that laughter banished negative feelings and relieved his pain. Previously, pain led to tension and tension to more pain. He discovered that ten minutes of “genuine belly laughter” gave him at least two hours of pain-free sleep.
Gelotology—the science of humor—is in its infancy and cannot explain all the reasons laughter is so valuable to us. Perhaps it relieves pain by releasing endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, into the bloodstream. It certainly protects us from negative emotions and attitudes. It encourages us to develop self-enhancing behavior patterns.
While humor encouraged better health for Mr. Cousins, it was still a limited benefit. Christ offers an eternal benefit. He removes sin from our lives altogether, absolutely, completely, and forever. In Christ, God claims complete amnesia over the sins we have committed and confessed. For good reason. Jesus had the perfect sacrifice to offer: himself He had the place to offer it: the cross. He had a compelling reason to offer it: forgiveness. He had a place to take it once offered: into heaven. He had a purpose in taking it there: to represent us eternally before the throne of God.
Hurley, V. Speaker’s Sourcebook of New Illustrations (electronic ed.) (106–107). Dallas: Word Publishers, 2000.
Robertson McQuilkin, former esteemed president of Columbia International University in Columbia, South Carolina, once drove an elderly friend on an errand. She moved slowly and painfully, being crippled with arthritis.
“Robertson,” she asked as they drove along, “why does God let us get old and weak? Why must I hurt so?”
“I’m not sure,” McQuilkin replied, “but I have a theory.”
“What is it?”
He hesitated to share it, but she insisted. This is what he said: “I think God has planned the strength and beauty of youth to be physical. But the strength and beauty of age is spiritual. We gradually lose the strength and beauty that is temporary, so we’ll be sure to concentrate on the strength and beauty which is forever.”
Series: Friday Humor #11
A 1999 study by the Barna Research Group shows that roughly seven percent of the American adult population—approximately fourteen million people—describe themselves as atheistic or agnostic. America has more atheists and agnostics than Mormons (by a three to one margin), Jews (by a four to one margin) or Muslims (by a fourteen to one margin.)
An atheist complained that Christians had their special days such as Christmas, Easter, and so on. The Jews celebrate Passover. “But we atheists,” he said, “have no recognized national holiday. It isn’t fair.”
“I have an idea,” said the man’s friend. “Why don’t you celebrate April 1st?”
Series: Friday Humor #10
We know people who have been “converted” many times. Every time there is a church revival they go to the altar and get “saved.” One minister told of a man in his congregation who had been “saved” seventeen times. During a revival meeting the evangelist made an altar call for all who wanted to be filled with the Spirit. The man who had been converted so often made his way toward the altar again. A woman from the congregation shouted, “Don’t fill him, Lord. He leaks!” … Those who become “unconverted” were never converted in the first place. – R.C. Sproul from a sermon.
A TEMPLATE FOR SHAPING MY LIFE WITH INTENTIONALITY
Developed by Dr. David Craig – Pastor and Life Coach – Vertical Living Ministries
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do. Do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
Head – Convictions What do I need to Know? Personal
Heart – Communication What do I need to Say/Convey? Relational
Hands – Contribution What do I need to Do? Practical
For each of the nine areas below set goals in light of the above 3 questions: What will I study or need to know about_____; What will I feel or communicate about _____; and what will I do or what actions shall I take about ______. Each goal is meant to turn what you value into an intentional habit that will make a great difference cumulatively in others lives, your own life, and for the sake of God’s ultimate glory.
Nine Primary Areas of Living Intentionally:
(1) Spiritually – Your Relationship to God through The Lordship of Jesus Christ. Psalm 37:3-7; 1 Peter 1:3-11; 2 Tim. 2:15; 1 Thess. 5:17
(2) Marriage – Your triune covenantal relationship with Christ at the center. Gen. 2:18-25; 1 Cor. 7:1-7; 13:1-8; Eph. 5:22-31
(3) Family/Parenting – How to be a Christ-centered family and raise Children that love Jesus above all else. Deut. 6:1-9; Proverbs; Eph. 6:1-4; 1 Tim. 5:8
(4) Vocationally – Your Work in the World and with the Church. Genesis 2:15; Colossians 3:23-25; 1 Cor. 3:5-23
(5) Health – Taking care of the Temple that God will use on this earth until the day of your final glorification. 1 Tim. 4:7-8; 1 Cor. 6:19-20; 10:31; Philippians 4:4-9
(6) Friendship – Your connections and building bridges with others as you reflect Christ in your community. Matt. 5:13-16; Gal. 6:9-10; Eph. 5:15-18; Col. 4:5-6; Lk. 6:27-31
(7) Financially – Your stewardship of God’s resources. Matt. 6:19-24; 1 Tim. 6:6-11, 17-19; 1 Cor. 16:1; 2 Cor. 9:6-8
(8) Mentoring – Your investing in Others Using your Unique Skills, Gifting, Talents, and Personality. Prov. 27:17; 2 Tim. 2:2; Titus 2:4; 1 Thess. 5:11
(9) Discipleship – Your Investing in the Spiritual Growth of other followers and would-be followers of Christ. Lk. 6:40; Matt. 28:19-20; 1 Tim. 4:16; 2 Tim. 3:10
LifeCoach4God 