FRIDAY HUMOR: The Young “Hot Shot” Businessman

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #38 

Man on the Phone in office

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

SOURCE: Carlos Sales

FRIDAY HUMOR: “DREAMS AND A DIAMOND NECKLACE”

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #37

Diamond Necklace

On Christmas morning a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight,” he said.

That evening just before opening presents, the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

FRIDAY HUMOR: Sleeping In

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #36

CARTOON CHARACTER SLEEPING

Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.

After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it.

So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night’s sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.

“Boss,” he said, “The pill my doctor subscribed me actually worked!”

“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

*SOURCE: Carlos Sales

THE SECRET TO DEALING WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY

prayer before a cross

By Ed Welch

“Humble yourselves.” That’s the secret. It has been there all along, but we rarely use it.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7)

Fear and anxiety sufferers like myself have tried on a number of Scripture passages over the years. We might start with Jesus’ words from the Sermon on the Mount, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life . . .” (Matthew 6:26). When we need something easier to memorize we move on to Philippians 4:6, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

These passages work very well as counters to low-level anxiety. But, in the face of an anxiety assault—they aren’t enough. At those times, they can sound like mantras that are devoid of power, which is actually a good thing. Anxious and fearful people can easily slip into taking Scripture as a pill. Take one passage twice a day for two weeks and your symptoms will be gone. When the pill doesn’t work we have two choices. We search for another treatment, or we confess that we are using Scripture as a self-help book for symptom relief, in which case it is time to get back to basics. If you choose to get back to biblical basics, Peter’s exhortation to humble ourselves is a great place to start.

I had an anxiety assault recently. I was facing perhaps the worst fear I could imagine, and there was nothing I could do about it. What a mercy that I was confronted with the call to be humbled before the Lord. It resulted in a simple prayer.

“Lord, you are God and King. I am your servant. I know you owe me nothing. For some reason you have given me everything in Jesus. I trust you. And please give me grace to trust you.”

A few minutes later, my prayer moved even closer to Scripture.

“Father, forgive me for always wanting things my way. By your mighty hand you have created all things. And by your mighty hand you have rescued your people. I want to live under your mighty hand. Please have mercy.”

It sounds very simple—and it is—but it changes everything. This is the secret to dealing with fears and anxiety. The words of God, and the comfort of the Spirit, become much more obvious when we are repentant and humble before him. No deals—“if you spare me from this suffering then I will . . .” Just simple trust. We trust him because he is God, not because he is going to immediately remove our anxieties or our fear-provoking situation.

This passage has been a secret because we have typically entered it at verse 7, “cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.” But to understand its meaning, you need to start with the preceding verse, “Humble yourselves.”

“Humble yourselves” is the only exhortation in the passage. This is what Peter wants us to hear (and obey). If we jump in at the middle—it makes no sense. We can’t cast our cares on him until we have recognized that he is God and we are his servants who have also been elevated to become his children. A paraphrase could read like this (and I highly recommend putting Scripture into your own words.)

Humble yourself before the Lord. This shouldn’t be too difficult. After all, he is God and King, Lord of all. He is the Creator. You belong to him. The creature is the possession of the Creator. Humble yourself before your King. And here is one way to express this new-found posture of humility: cast your cares on him. Did you catch that? When you come humbly before the King he reveals his unlimited love. Who would have thought? He actually wants you to cast your burden on him. You were never intended to carry those burdens alone. He is the mighty God who never leaves. You can trust him. And this casting is no mere act of your will. It comes as you know that he is God and you are not. Oh, and you can be sure that he will lift you up from your kneeling position and give you more than you ever expected.

A little wordy, in contrast to Peter’s more succinct version, but rambling and embellishment give us more time to meditate on the logic of the passage.

The secret is to
…pause before you head into your favorite passage on fear,
…consider the greatness of God,
…add some of your own confession and repentance as a way to drive the message of humility home, and         then
…remember some of those sweet words of God to fearful people.

*Source: http://www.ccef.org/blog/secret-dealing-fear-and-anxiety – April 19, 2011

If you want to read more on fear, Ed has written two books on the subject: Running Scared andWhen I Am Afraid.


Edward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a counselor and faculty member at CCEF and holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology with a neuro-psychology specialty from the University of Utah as well as a Master of Divinity degree from Biblical Theological Seminary. Ed has been counseling for over twenty-six years and has written many books and articles on biblical counseling.

FRIDAY HUMOR: Biblical Ignorance of Jericho’s Walls

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #35

jericho wall

The new pastor of a rural church in eastern Kentucky dropped into a Sunday school class and began quizzing the students to test the effectiveness of the teacher. “Who knocked down the walls of Jericho?” he demanded of one boy.

“It sure weren’t me, Reverend,” the boy said.

Turning to the embarrassed teacher, the pastor said, “I suppose that’s a sample of the kind of discipline you maintain!”

“Now, Reverend. Timmy’s a good boy and don’t tell lies. If he said he didn’t do it, I believe him.”

Thoroughly upset the pastor took the matter to the board of deacons. After due consideration the board sent the following message to the nonplussed minister:

“We see no point in making an issue of this incident. The board will pay for the damage to the wall and charge it off to vandalism.”

FRIDAY HUMOR: IS ANYBODY UP THERE?

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #34

PRECARIOUS ROCK CLIMBER

Sometimes we wish we could change God. We are like the man who was climbing up a steep mountain on his way to the summit when he began to slip. Unable to stop himself, he slid back down the treacherous incline toward a cliff that plunged a thousand feet to the canyon floor. He was sure he would be killed. But just as he was about to go over the edge he threw his hands out and managed to catch a small branch. There he hung. He had saved himself. But he could not get back onto the incline, and he knew it was just a matter of time until his grip loosened and he fell. He was not a very religious man. But this was obviously the time to become one, if ever. So he looked up to heaven and called out, “Is there anyone up there who can help me?”

He did not expect an answer. So he was greatly surprised when a deep voice came back, saying, “Yes, I am here, and I can help you. But first you are going to have to let go of that branch.”

A long pause! Then the man looked up and called out again, “Is there anybody else up there who can help me?”

*SOURCE: James Montgomery Boice. Expositions in Genesis. Baker: Grand Rapids, 2005. Volume 1. Chapter 3.

FRIDAY HUMOR: “THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT”

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #33

BILLY MARTIN KICKING DIRT ON UMPIRE

Billy Martin was a controversial New York Yankee manager. In his office was this sign:

“Company rules:

Rule 1. The boss is always right.

Rule 2. If the boss is wrong, see Rule 1″

*SOURCE: The Speaker’s Quote Book: Over 4,500 Illustrations and Quotations for All Occasions (Kindle Locations 769-770). Kindle Edition.

FRIDAY HUMOR: The Preacher Who Was Obsessed With Baptism

SERIES: FRIDAY HUMOR #32

baptism with water image

A preacher in the South preached constantly on water baptism. The people were tired of it. The deacons suggested he preach on something else. He said, “Okay, give the text and I’ll preach on it. ” They gave him Genesis 1:1. The next Sunday he said, “By request the text today is Genesis 1:1.” He read it and then said, “When the Lord created the earth, He made it one-fourth land and three-fourths water, and that brings me back to the subject of water baptism.”

Source: The Speaker’s Quote Book: Over 4,500 Illustrations and Quotations for All Occasions (Kindle Locations 371-374). Kindle Edition.

FRIDAY HUMOR: Do you want the bad news or the good news first?

Friday Humor: #31

doctor and patient cartoon

A man went to see his doctor for a checkup. He went back the next day to get the results from the tests.

“Doc, how do I look?”

The doctor said, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”

The man said, “Let me hear the good news first.”

The doctor said, “Well, the good news is you have twenty-four hours to live.”

“Good grief! That’s the good news?” the man gasped. “I’ve got twenty-four hours to live? Then what’s the bad news?”

The doctor replied, “The bad news is I was supposed to tell you yesterday.”

FRIDAY HUMOR: YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO GET MARRIED!

Series: Friday Humor #30

elderly couple on skateboard

Maxie Dunham tells the story of an elderly man who began spending a significant amount of time with an elderly woman. Neither had ever been married and each had lived alone for many years. Gradually the old gentleman recognized a real attachment to her but was shy and afraid to reveal his feelings to her. After many days of anxiety and fear, he finally mustered up the courage to declare his intentions. He went over to her home and in a nervous frenzy blurted out, “Let’s get married!!!”

Surprised, she threw up her hands and shouted, “It’s a wonderful idea, but who in this world would have us?”

*SOURCE: 1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking. Compiled by Michael Hodgin. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.